Home for the Holidays

Home for the Holidays

If anyone asks I am home for the holidays. The reason I am not accompanied by my husband is because Germans do not know what to do with turkey or ham. I am also not bringing any presents outside suppengrun beans and vegan gummies because I don't have any children and customs & border control took my maultaschen. I tried to pretend I didn't know there was meat in them and honestly I didn't realize it until like two weeks ago. I am here to rethink my life choices which include marrying a German and moving abroad on thoughts & prayers. I have returned to the land of guns to trial separation and see if Germany lures me back with its systems and infrastructure. I am also hoping for the man to get his shit together as well. But for now I am perfectly okay with fast food lined streets and single use plastics. In fact I am overjoyed. And while I am trying to infringe upon my family with my new found German methods and ways I am realizing not all works everywhere. My mother doesn't really care for me digging through her trash, balking about $4.99 plain yogurt or forcing her to walk 1.2 miles for frische luft. Also the notion that I could walk an additional mile through a seedy neighborhood in lieu of a daily commute in her Flintstones car was met with stories of rifle brandishing and 911 calls. Since both of those lead to untimely death I am gonna let her drop me a block off from my temporary job where there are sidewalks and diverse liberals. At work I will distract myself from outside here and over there. I will rethink my life, eat junk and embrace the Murica' as long as this lasts. Whatever this is.